Look at you with your unique personality and your unique charm and your unique style – which you share with the millions of others who happened to arrive on Planet Earth under the same configuration of suns and planets as you did all those years ago.
Let Mort Garson and the power of The Zodiac: Cosmic Sounds (Elektra 1967) guide you through the next week as we ask – what’s your sign? And what’s your horoscope for today?
Aries – The Fire Fighter (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Picture yourself atop a mountain as Cyrus Faryar intones your days ahead over a swirling cacophony of organs, drums, and sitars.
Incendiary diamonds scorch the earth!
Of course, they do. For you are Aries, the shouty aggressive zodiac sign who likes a bit of adventure and can sometimes be a wee bit too stroppy for their own good. In essence, you are a combination of The Doors’ Break on Through and the early works of Pink Floyd, with a bit more sitar thrown in for good measure. Like your spirit animal, The Ram, you like to break on through on a regular basis. Consider construction work to channel that impulsive energy of yours, sweetie.
Taurus – The Voluptuary (Apr 20 – May 20)
Behold the cheeky, saucy, little pumpkin that is Taurus, who likes to lounge on a chaise-longue and imbibe the odd cocktail or several.
People assume you have a knack with money and infinite patience, but in reality, you favour the prone position and spend like there’s no tomorrow. You own a vast Pink Floyd collection – larger than your brother Aries, and although the guitars chimes through here, it’s the underlying low bowel rumble of the Moog organ that catches our attention.
Strong, steady, silent motion
Pay attention to your digestive system over the coming week. Avoid the tinkling of the ice-cream truck bells we can hear in the background. It’ll only inflame your lactose problem.
Gemini – The Cool Eye (May 21 – Jun 20)
We love your face, Gemini – both of them. You naughty, mercurial gossip with your fingers in a thousand different pies.
You favour the driving Mod beat of a jangly guitar and a full-blown flute orchestra – because, for you, simple is dull.
Say it like it is
Fair enough. Sit down and be quiet. You’re giving us all a headache. Find a floatation tank. Take up meditation. Borrow the chaise-longue of Taurus for an hour or two. That driving Mod guitar is fighting with the flutes and Paul Beaver’s Moog stylings are indistinct.
Cancer – The Moon Child (Jun 21 – Jul 22)
Ah Cancer you dreamy little homebody Crab.
Laughing the lunar laugh, sobbing in the dark when the moon shrinks
One minute you feature a wash of orchestral organs and wind instruments, the next some serious guitar and Moog grooves overlaid with trills and bells.
We sense a passion for the early styling of Jefferson Airplane in there, and we wonder about your propensity for sudden laughter. You’ll receive a mysterious visit from several gentlemen dressed in blue uniforms in the next few days. We’d hide that “houseplant” of yours if we were you.
Leo – The Lord of Lights (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
We can see you Leo. We can always see you – bathed in perpetual sunlight.
We’re detecting a folksy vibe from you here, you leonine sun god with your Greenwich Village notes straight out of Cafe Wha? and The Bitter End.
Where pride walks every room is a stage, every face a spotlight
We’re just not sure if you’re starting up a band or a cult on the West Coast. You could be Jim Morrison, but you sound more like the Mamas and the Papas with your jangly guitars and folksy flutes.
Virgo – The Perpetual Perfectionist (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
What time is it, Virgo? Time to emulate Ken Nordine, or reorganise your life?
You’re sending us a dulcimer and flute laden tune that makes us think of one of those Naked Yoga programmes, and the swirling Doors organs underneath are giving us naughty thoughts. But…
478.5 is the wavelength of blue
and that makes us think you need to get out more and live a little.
Talk to Leo – he’s got something weird and quirky going out on the West Coast. Bring a tinfoil hat.
Libra – The Flower Child (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
You’ve got quite the range of Tibetan gongs going on there, Libra. We strongly suspect that you may have spent a mellow afternoon or several round at Cancer’s sampling the houseplants – not that we’re ones to gossip.
The colour of an hour of love
That’s a tingly, twangy Indian trip in itself full of tabla drums and finger cymbals, and you’re soaring high above it. But we know Libra – the grass is always greener on the other side of your neighbour’s fence. Rest a while and appreciate what you have first.
Scorpio – The Passionate Hero (Oct 23 – Nov 21)
Scorpio has the perfect poker face, and with your combination of marching drum beats and 60s spy organ sounds we know exactly how you can use it.
Each moment lives through a crossfire and the password is: win!
We see you debuting in the new ABC spy series, full of that cool Avengers brand of camp where the sex part goes without saying and the eyebrow is permanently arched.
We’re still a little queasy from that episode with the chess pieces and the Bridget Riley wallpaper though, but you like it that way, you kinky beast.
Sagittarius – The Versatile Daredevil (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
You know those obscure and odd late-night movies you get on cable sometimes? The ones where a coven of witches take over a small New Hampshire town and the screen goes all fish eye lens?
Sagittarius looks down and applauds the crowd
You have prog rock church organs, heavy church bells and drums, and through it all Sagittarius strides through with that weird clown makeup. Their way or the highway until the fish lens kicks in and someone loses an eye or worse. Even Keith Emerson was only good up to a point – loosen up Sagittarius, and put down the knives. You’re freaking us out!
Capricorn – The Uncapricious Climber (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
A spooky and somewhat discordant organ gives way here to a slow groove like we’re stuck in the Whisky a Go Go and waiting on Jim Morrison to swear at The End.
Saturn’s musician plays as written
Capricorn is ambitious it’s true – but Capricorn is also cautious. A lonely little mountain goat stuck up there in the ether. Break on through, little goat, and break on out a little! You’ve got some fine guitars to leap to.
Aquarius – The Lover of Life (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
The more ethereal side of the Moog combines with a slow Bossa Nova groove and high flutes to lend a sensuous, if aloof, feel to the proceedings. This is what the Jet Set really looks like – a slow travelogue of the mind.
And Aquarius has that vibe about them too.
Weak, strong – all belong
But you do have to ask – do we see the real Haight-Ashbury, or merely the Grey Line bus tour? Come back to earth once in a while, Aquarius. Your groove is real fine!
Pisces – The Peace Piper (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Let’s face it, Pisces – you’re a drama queen.
Molten chimes and glassy woodwinds shimmer over tabla drums and spooky organs, but it’s like that slow montage on Ironside where it could just as easily end in tears as it could in a shootout.
Pouring the world out of a moonstone
Just like the track you’re up and then you’re down, you’re here and then you’re there. Will it be tears before bedtime – or a fight to the death? We’re betting on the tears, Pisces.